Don't you just wish you could snap your fingers so the fear of going live would be gone instantly! Maybe you are full of camera confidence but many are not. Many of my clients need strategies for overcoming the fear of going live.
Do you know why most people are not using Facebook Live? Sure they want to build an audience and increase their revenue but they aren't successful and they are afraid to admit the problem to others – but they tell me!
It is because they lack confidence. The confidence to bring their true self to the camera!
I know how hard it can feel! I work with people all the time on this one thing.
And lucky for you, I'm bringing on a guest to share specific techniques that will help you to realize that self-confidence isn't something you are born with. It's an active choice that you can participate in daily!
Did you know you can create your own self-confidence!
Create Your Own Self-Confidence
My special guest is Murielle Fellous. She is going to share some techniques you can use every day to boost your confidence and truly shine online!
Murielle is a sacred Dating teacher, Transformation & Self Love Coach. She is a Podcast host, as well as the founder of Date Like A French Woman and License To Shine.
With Date Like A French Woman she helps women shift at a brain and energy level to make the emotional and energetic space for the love they really want in their life.
More recently, based on the demand, she created License to Shine to assist women in developing more self-confidence and magnetic presence to shine their light brighter in their love or professional a life.
There are three tricks to overcoming the fear of going live. I will list them here the describe each below:
- Accept who you are
- Understanding your RAS (Reticular Activation System)
- Learn the ADD Method
Bonus: Actively participate in your own self-confidence
First of all, let's demystify self-confidence. This is a bonus to the 3 tips. Self-confidence is not some elusive mysterious personality trait that is given out randomly when you were born. It is built purposefully by you and for you.
Did you know that?! Self-confidence is something you can actively participate in! How cool is that!!
Our brain protects us. That was it's job with Sabertooth tigers and all. However, those threats are not real for us today. So what is happening is our brain has the wrong job description. It is overcompensating with small threats responded to in a big way.
This brings us to our first tip.
1. Accept Who You Are
Embrace whom you are. Get a good sense of the awesomeness of your being.
For those of you that have heard me speak a time or two you likely know about my Quesadilla of Awesome! I talk about it all the time. It is about listing out your awesomeness and increasing awareness of it. First and foremost for you and your awareness. And second, to share that awesomeness with your audience. This will help you overcome your fear of going live.
Quesadilla of Awesome:
The Quesadilla of Awesome lists out the things in 5 key areas of the word SAAVE:
- Skill Set: List your skills the things you are awesome at
- Activities: List activities you love
- Appearance: List the things you love about your appearance
- Values: What are the values you hold dear? What do you stand for?
- Eat: What are some foods that you really love?
Now here is the challenge, when we don't have all the awesomeness top of mind, negative self-talk shows up. Maybe you say “I'm boring.” or “I don't know enough.” or perhaps simply “I'm not enough.”
Flip Negative to Positive:
This negative self-talk seeks to prove yourself wrong. Murielle suggests to flip this around and to prove yourself RIGHT!
Identify people in your world that are doing the things you want to see in yourself. This really helps to reduce the fear of going live.
Find others in life that are successful that you admire. See how you can be the same. Maybe it is a popular celebrity. Maybe it is an unknown neighbor. Maybe someone in your family heritage. Maybe a friend, an old boss, or a new boss.
Find someone that has the traits you admire and aspire to be the same.
The point here is to both accept yourself as you are and, add the new traits of others that have the positive traits you seek.
To help you with this, the second tip is to understand your RAS!
2. Understanding your RAS (Reticular Activation System)
It's not a well known term but it is a function in our brains that is used every day without notice. So start to use it consciously and with purpose.
- The RAS is a filter.
- It filters your inner world and your outer world.
- It is like a bouncer at a bar that only lets in what you tell it to.
- If you tell it (program it) with negative things… that is what your brain (and subconscious) focuses upon, if you tell it positive things then your brain and subconscious will focus on positive.
This is why Tip #1 above is so important: accept your self and see in others the things you want in yourself. You begin to positively program the filter that controls your brain and creates your reality. This is cool stuff!! However, there is a challenge.
- When the fight or flight mechanism is triggered, lots of things kick into gear (think Sabertooth tiger)
- Resourcefulness drops.
- Cognitive function drops.
- You get less present.
- You become less magnetic.
- You spend time, energy and thought processes on things you don't like.
- Self-confidence goes way down and fear of going live goes way up!!
- Reprogram your RAS!
- Make a “Date with Doubt” to get it out.
- Consciously set aside a moment to deal with this.
- Be sure to deal with one thing at a time.
- Go back to Tip #1 above and accept yourself.
- Think about other people in real life that demonstrate and prove to yourself that the traits you want DO exist… just not at the moment within you but soon will!
- Focusing on this will reset you RAS.
Here is an exercise that only takes a moment:
- Take a few deep breaths.
- See yourself as an adorable innocent child.
- See yourself as deserving of all things good.
- Invite your older wiser self to come sit with younger you.
- Feel the love and connection.
- Have a chat with the innocent adorable you.
- Say to yourself, “I will love you the way you deserve to be loved.”
- “You are perfect and complete.”
- Talk about the relevant things from your Quesadilla of Awesome or those traits you see proof-positive in others you desire.
- When done thank you younger self.
That was easy! The results are profound. You just reprogrammed your RAS. You just changed your fear of going live!
To make this real simple Murielle shares her ADD Method.
3. Learn the ADD Method
This pulls it all together. Accept yourself and the wonderful things that make you, you! See in others proof-positive the traits you desire and are going to have. Know how the RAS works. The programming of your brain is important.
When you pull these things together your fear of going live will reduce or go away.
Here is what ADD stands for:
- AWARENESS – Be aware that you are triggered. Stop for a moment and have your “Date with Doubt” and have a chat with your younger self to get it out.
- DISCARD – Let go of the old story and discard the negative thoughts that don't serve you.
- DEFINE – Define your new reality, programming your RAS with proof positive, in yourself or others the traits you consciously desire.
A few other thoughts as we wrap up:
- Murielle cautions that “positive thinking” is common but you need to believe it. They aren't just words.
- To be effective it is best to work on one thing at a time. Address the “Urgent” block in the moment not several things at once.
- Trust how powerful the RAS is. It may be a new concept to you but it has been working in your brain since you were born. Program it with purpose now.
- Be kind to yourself and your self-confidence.
- Purposefully and consciously build it up, every day!
- Give yourself more breathing room.
- Know that you don't have to work on your business 24/7.
- Pause. Take a breath. Create these moments that build up your self-confidence.
When you do these things you fear of going live will reduce and just vanish. I'm so excited Murielle was able to share with us these nuggets of wisdom.
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Big thanks to my friend Tom Birchall (fb.me/TomBirchallBizPage) who helped to write up these awesome show notes!
tim, dont what worry about what people think, your opinion is the only one that matters
Tom me too
Didnt expect that haha. They won’t have confidence.
That brought tears ?
Please don’t leave us there!?
Excellent example of the effect of negative self talk.
Wow! It brought me back on what I hear when I was little. A teacher told me I was STUPID and affected me till I was in college. It brought m back to that moment tears ? to my eyes.
How can I change that to help me get pass it. I get that feeling back in every know and then.
Yes..just don’t like the negative to little self..I like part 2 instead..more empowering ?
Ugh, I’m teary haha… but we definitely do that to ourselves. That definitely got me in my feels. But i told my little self, you got this, go get it and be a marvel! Because i know she had dreams then, just the same now….
Energy goes where attention flows..which is the power I like to focus..it’s easy to go negative in life
Ahhh I’m late
Right! My brain can be sabotaging enough so need that muscle for strength worked..especially now
exactly lisa. I am trying to run a business while having mental illness, which just inspires me more.
I am the biggest self sabotager I know, that sounded like self sabotage
Shannon I feel you Sista…going through stud now too
Our brains don’t filter contractions. (Eg: Do or don’t) It just picks up theme and topics. So, focus on what you DO want. Not don’t want.
well said tom
Not so much positive or negative
but DO want or Don’t want. It programs the RAS.
This why Molly is so great! She’s a great mentor ?
“We can’t see things in others unless we have them in us? yes!
Tom that’s powerful! I’m so into Ester Hicks lately on this!
Lisa cool. I didn’t know that. Hee hee. I’m a Psych major just makes sense to me. Lol.
I just want to keep her in my pocket! She so sweet! Great guest!!!
“ Kindness “ ?
“ Kindness “
Old tapes can really mess with your brain..must replace with what we want!
thank you! have a great day.
Great stuff! Thank you both!
Thank you !!
Thank you!! Xoxo
oh! i want to see that!
Jurassic Molly Coming!!
Lisa. lol. ???
Thank you so much for your LIVE video! LOVE THEM ALL!
#replay Yay artichokes!! and brussel sprouts lol
#replay authenticity wins over “perfection”, people want to know there is a human on the other end
No to Artichokes and more
This is going to be so helpful!!
Info like artichokes
MADE AS A CASSEROLE
More 🙂 Thank you for the peptalk. Have a lovely Day both of hou
Love your enthusiasm
Hello watching replay!
I get so nervous I always forget what I’m saying..mental block..
that’s a really good way to look at it
Yes and No!